U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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