Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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