I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
