I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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