Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
