toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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