Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
