two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
