that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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