i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How does one acquire holy water?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
