Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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