dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
