3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
