I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
