do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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