Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i will never coherently bang her
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
