The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
