The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize