yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
