Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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