i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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