I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
