Nicole vs. Life
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
