Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
