2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
