Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
