Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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