i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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