census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
