Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
