what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
