well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
