i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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