Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
