My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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