I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
