this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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