I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
