I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
