That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
