talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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