I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
