i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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