I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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