if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
