I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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