No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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