I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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