Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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