you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
