he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
