I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
