Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
