It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
