Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
