i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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