Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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