Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize