im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
