i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
