Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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