guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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