I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
