farters have to be the big spoon...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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