She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
