you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
