That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
