I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
