Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
