Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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