uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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