C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
